The Difference Between Fun and Happiness

I didn’t get a blog post done last weekend. I put in about 28 hours editing my book manuscript – before sending it off to the copy editor.  I had an ache in my neck and was going stir-crazy as the evening went on…and on. I finished on Sunday night around midnight and made a PDF copy to send in the morning… I dragged myself into the shower at 1 am for some hot water therapy.  I couldn’t have been happier. I was euphoric.

I was remembering an article a friend passed on to me in the late 80’s. It was called “The Secret to Real Happiness” and it really stuck with me. The author, Dennis Prager, talked about how some people equate real “happiness”  with “having fun”. He felt that they had little or nothing in common; nothing to do with each other.

Fun, he said, is what we experience during an act, and happiness is what we experience after an act – a much deeper, abiding emotion.

Sports activities, parties, watching movies are all fun activities that make us forget our troubles, make us laugh and help us de-stress. But they don’t contribute to real happiness because the fun ends when they end.

When we see celebrities and the mega rich partying, driving around in expensive cars, living in glamourous places we may think, “wow… wouldn’t that be nice – I’d be so happy” but memoir after memoir from these same people informs us that it is not necessarily so.

Believing that a fun-filled, pain-free life will bring happiness must then mean, conversely, that pain must bring unhappiness.  Typically this is not true. Quite often things that lead to happiness usually involve some pain.  And, by avoiding pain or struggle, we lose out on some of the greatest sources of happiness in life:  marriage, raising children, professional development and achievement, self-improvement, civic or charitable work.

I love to have fun, joking and laughing with friends, dancing, playing games, watching funny movies. But I know that these don’t contribute to my overall happiness.  Raising my son, being in relationships full of integrity, taking on challenging projects at work, and working on this book project…have brought me incredible amounts of happiness that continue to build.

Understanding this can liberate us…we may feel more generous with our time pursuing some of these tougher challenges,  we may be less pressured to spend on things that will not contribute to our happiness, and we may rid ourselves of any envy we have for those with lots of toys, money and a scintillating social life.

It helps us lead our life differently and can contribute to much satisfaction. This really helps me when I’m exhausted or when I have to tackle something that is really tough: whether it is speaking my truth or rolling up my sleeves in the office.

I have been working on the book for three years, plugging away doing photo shoots, writing, re-writing, designing and re-designing.  We are getting near the end, but this last bit is challenging, time consuming, a lot of work, and a lot of hours…

I’m amazed at the happiness it is already bringing: a sense of pride and accomplishment.  Similar to that amazing feeling when you reach the mountain summit on a long grinding hike, cross a marathon finish line, or graduate from a program.  Not always a lot of fun during the journey but oh, such joy and real happiness in the end.

Wish me luck. Another month of filling in the blanks, the last photos to shoot, copy edits, then a month of back and forth proofing before going to the printer in April.  Much happiness to come.

I’m Back…and on a mission

Yes, one can feel so confident when they start a new venture, or a new practice, and everything is going swimmingly.  I felt very smug last year when I seemed to have no problem writing a blog post twice a week. Others asked “how do you do it??”

“It’s easy…” I replied “…not a problem.”

Then life happens, throws you a few curve balls. I cringe when I see my last post was in the summer. Yep.  It happens.  Lots of things happen.  As Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes in her beautiful book, The Faithful Gardener:  “Though we think we are following the rightful map…God suddenly decides to lift up the road and places it and us elsewhere.”

(I must digress: this is a fabulous little book, a story within a story, about a young tree in the forest who dreams of being chosen for a Christmas tree, and the wonderful life it imagines it will have. It’s a heartwarming, elegantly told tale about loss, survival and rebirth… I highly recommend it.)

This last year I have lost both my parents: my mother last Christmas, after six years in dementia care; a long, slow goodbye that ended with a brief illness and a few profound, beautiful days by her side at the end. My father, quickly and unexpectedly this summer; here one day, gone the next.  Two services, two lives to wrap up, two dealings with “the family”.

One of the more positive things that has taken me away is an abundance of great work. Lots of fabulous projects…too many almost…and I have found myself working 7 long days a week for the last six months. It does start to take its toll and it required me to drop pretty well everything else: social events, work on my book project, blogging, and taking care of myself.

I had a few days off at Thanksgiving and decided to set a beautiful table for a small dinner I was hosting. I launched into my old tried and true favorite past time of foraging for the dinner table. I decided on a colour, dug around in the pantry for dishes and linens – gold – and decided that the beautiful autumn leaves that were gracing the street would be the perfect finishing touch.  I went for a walk through the neighbourhood looking for the most vibrant golden trees and found plenty.

I came home, turned on some music and finished setting the table. I was overcome with a feeling of peace and total bliss…of “coming home”….I love doing this… I hadn’t done this for quite a while… I missed this!  How I missed playing and staging and entertaining and preparing.  It reminded me of how much I love this artful part of life.

The holiday passed, the workload continued. The cherished past times were abandoned once again.

Finally the deadlines, the deliverables, the bulk of the work is settling down. It had better…my health is suffering.  Too much…I need a break, I need a change, I need a rest. I need to reconnect to those artful pursuits again. As rewarding as my work is, as interesting, as challenging, and satisfying…I need to grab hold of those activities that most feed my soul and put joy in my heart.

Writing, creating art, entertaining, completing the labour of love that is my upcoming book; I am on a mission to bring these back into my life.  I hope to be here again, on a regular basis, to chronicle those joys, and write about the art part of my heart.

Book Journey: a story of three drafts

Writing a book has been everything I imagined it to be, and more. In my case, I think of it more as creating, rather than writing a book, since it has so many components and pieces.

Creating a book has always been on my “list” and as a designer and artist, I always knew it would be about design in some fashion, rather than a novel, for instance.

I imagine that writing a novel would be much tougher – having to create a really sound body of writing. My individual essays have seemed like they are simpler than that. They have been easier to gather and compile and tackle and manage – one at the time.  I guess the requirement for consistency is still there? There’s no plot development, but still, there is a need for cohesion throughout. In any case, I have truly enjoyed the writing of the essays about the artful, creative living experiences that accompany the photos I’ve pulled together.

I think that’s where is started…writing about those first few experiences, as the mother of a young son. Then the idea of gathering them all, in groups… I had some photos that needed writing to accompany them, and I also had some writing pieces that needed photos.  A spreadsheet started, and grew. It became an ever-evolving outline.

I added and deleted and switched and combined categories and topics.  Then they started to take hold, take shape, hang together.

I wrote and labelled and tagged. We started doing photo shoots and labelled and tagged according to the great big master spreadsheet.  There were months where there wasn’t much time to work on this project, and other months where I reveled in making good headway, in fruitful work.

Draft 1: Finally Real

I was still flying solo, without much professional help. I wanted to flush out the book and make it more concrete – I had to start somewhere.  It was not the right time to leap ahead and learn InDesign (the software that the book would need to be in, to be printed eventually). I wanted a quick fix and I wanted to start with a draft I could quickly pull together, to get a sense of things. So I used PowerPoint – some cringed, but, it was what I knew well and used in my work presentations.  It worked because it got me to get my material into a “book” format.

It went together quickly! A year ago, I printed it for the first time and wept. It was finally real.  After looking at slides on a computer screen for months and months it felt wonderfully different…and real.

 

Draft 2:  More Real

Fast forward another nine months…I now have a dozen photo shoots under my belt, have crossed off a lot of items on the spreadsheet and have also started working with a book designer. Fiona Raven is a huge help: as is her own book “Book Design Made Simple” that I refer to.  She helped me lay out the pages in InDesign which I have now learned to use…basically… (quite the learning curve!) and I’ve placed everything into this new, polished format. There are still a lot of holes, but it feels good moving on to the proper format, to standardized page layouts and sizing.  The book is taking shape even more, with chapter spreads and headings. The design is now refined and articulated.

 

DRAFT 3: Really Real

Here we are…right now… a third draft was printed off two weeks ago and sent off to the publishing consultants who will do a substantive edit and review of the manuscript.  I’ve put a lot of hours in since Draft 2 – filling in all the blanks, writing the last few pieces, finding those elusive photos, and creating placeholders for the last dozen.  I’ve laid out the front matter and the back matter. Now I know how many pages it will be in total.  I’ve written my acknowledgements, allowed for the table of contents, dedications, and index, tweaked the cover and the title…. Lots of polishing on the pages, aligning, sizing of photos, revisions of content, layout…  This feels amazing.

Behind the Book, my publishing consultants, will get back to me in another week or so…it will be interesting to hear what they have to say! After we sort through that, it will be time to tackle ISBN, dates at the printer, and an ambitious schedule to polish and get everything packaged for the printer.

I’m so excited and I’m hoping to stick to our deadlines in order to get this baby out by early October.  Wish me luck in this last leg of an amazing journey.

Stay tuned! I welcome you to sign up to my email list to be notified of the book release and launch celebrations, or follow this blog. I’ll be certain to spread the good news as soon as I can.

Garden: Saturday Morning

I’m sitting in the garden. It’s Saturday morning. I made it halfway out to my office, which is in my garage, out back.

I’m weeping. I’m weeping because my heart is spilling over. I stepped out on the back porch with my briefcase: Busy Bee, Busy Bee…gotta get some extra work done…mentoring a colleague in a few hours, must clean up the office…tons of work…..just figured out how to use InDesign to get my book into production…It’s quiet in the house, the yard.  A blissful Saturday morning; the sun is finally shining, and it’s spring. It’s finally spring.

I step outside and hear all these birds –it’s a symphony. They are so beautiful. The world is alive…Alive with sweet songs and whistles and staccato twitters and I just have to sit down halfway down the path and perch my behind on a cold slate step. I just have to stop and listen. My heart is so full.

This is my garden. This is my sanctuary. This is me creating a space of beauty and serenity, in the middle of a busy life.  And it just makes me so appreciative for everything I have and it reminds me to stop…and feel.   These epiphanies – this place of richness and depth – is new and unexpected.  I’m having these moments of discovery more and more when I stop. Stop and take a moment to breathe.

 

It brings to mind the poem by David Whyte, “The House of Belonging”

I awoke

this morning

in the gold light

turning this way

and that

 

thinking for a

moment

it was one

day

like any other.

 

But

the veil had gone

from my

darkened heart

and

I thought

 

it must have been the quiet

candlelight

that filled my room

 

it must have been

the first

easy rhythm

with which I breathed

myself to sleep

 

it must have been

the prayer I said

speaking to the otherness

of the night.

 

And

I thought

this is the good day

you could

meet your love

 

this is the black day

someone close

to you could die.                              

 

This is the day

you realize

how easily the thread

is broken

between this world

and the next

 

and I found myself

sitting up

in the quiet pathway

of light.

 

The tawny

close grained cedar

burning round

me like fire

and all the angels of this housely

heaven ascending

through the first

roof of light

the sun had made.

 

This is the bright home

in which I live

this is where

I ask

my friends to come

this is where I want

to love all the things

it has taken me so long

to learn to love.

 

This is the temple

of my adult aloneness

and I belong to my life.

 

There is no house

like the house of belonging.

 

I’m taking in the huge infinity of wonder and good will and gratitude and I’m learning to just stop and appreciate the beauty of nature and the moment. In my mid-fifties it’s a new and exciting experience that’s taking me by surprise. And it’s glorious.

 

Big Year

So long, 2015, and thank you. You were a very big year, one of the biggest and richest years my heart has seen.

Big Hearted Presence:

I got to experience “walking my mother home” as she lay “actively dying” during her last few days on earth. It had been a long, graduated goodbye – over the six years in dementia care. Every year losing a little part of her, letting go of her understanding who we were, letting go of communicating with words…. She had fallen quite ill just a month ago, and we had a few days’ notice to clear the decks and just “be” there. I was surprised at how much I resisted letting my clients down, cancelling all my meetings…could I do both? My gut finally told me to just wipe everything off my plate (of course everyone understood!) and I was able to sit beside her, as she slept, sometimes peacefully and sometimes fitfully, just holding her hand for days. Someone called this transition time “being in the light”. It was an amazingly beautiful experience. It gave me time to reflect, honor her, get ready to let her go, and whisper in her ear “it’s OK Mumsie, you can go to heaven now”…My heart is changed and enriched by this experience.

Big Living, right to the end:

As well, I lost a dear friend to ALS at the beginning of the year. Her acceptance of her limited time: facing it head on, and her strong will to live each day as best she could, came through in her connecting with her friends, attending events, engaging in long, juicy, serious talks, communicating with us via her iPad and facial expressions. She fiercely guarded the opportunity to stay home as long as possible and only went into Hospice for one week, thanks to her wonderfully caring family. She really showed me how it could be done, with grace and dignity. The day she died, I was driving in to work. Again, listening to my gut, I decided to turn around head in the opposite direction to the hospice and see her….now. She was restless and fretful, and wanted to type something to me on her iPad, but her hands just didn’t work anymore. I looked her in the eye and was able to tell her I loved her. I left her with her family, and an hour later learned that was her last hour of life. I’d never had any experiences of people close to me dying…it was so powerful, and my heart was glad to have been so present during her inspiring journey.

Big Son:

This year saw my one and only son, 20, go off and live in Copenhagen for three months. This was big! He did so well on his own, learning to shop and cook for himself and find his way in a new, foreign city. I experienced being on my own for the first time – and it was good! Big changes, and lots of room for big choices. I had to learn to let go, and trust. It produced big rewards.

Big work:

Work was busier than ever before, and better than ever before. I’ve never worked as hard, or enjoyed it as much. I worked on some huge projects and was given really satisfying challenges. I got to work with different teams and forge ahead into new roles that I really welcomed and savored. And I felt big respect.

Big Creative Steps:

This year saw my book turn into a real honest-to-goodness physical draft and I held it in my hands and wept after I printed it out for the first time….it was real, and that was big! I enjoyed venturing into the realm of social media: blogging, Instagramming and having an artist page on FaceBook. Keeping a stream of photos and material for The Art Part of my Heart has made me look for beauty…every day.

Big House stuff:

Ten years on, my little house needed a new roof, gutters and downspouts, and a new coat of paint. Lots of work to tackle! It went well, and the big improvements have given it a great, fresh new look.

Big Shift:

After two years, I think I’m finally able to reframe my Ex’s leaving, from the anger of “you-done-me-wrong-and-I hate you” to “I loved you, and it made me so sad to realize you didn’t have what I needed to build a life together”.

What’s ahead, 2016?

Here’s wishing for a wonderful new year full of joy, excitement, adventures and successes. Lots of art and lots of heart. I look forward to publishing the book in spring, and I yearn for big love to come my way.

Happy New Year!

Book Just Got Real

I’ve been working on my book draft/mock up and managed to get most of it mapped out into a format that’s starting to take shape. I’ve been scrolling back and forth between the 200 or so pages on my computer screen for a few weeks now.

I decided it was time to print off a copy so I could hold it in my hands, see what the pages looked like beside each other and get a feel for sizing. I wanted to start to makes notes and edit it at another level.

When the 212 pages were printed and bound together the other day, I wept.

It finally felt like a book. It finally felt like a project that was going to come to fruition! I’ve been dreaming of this for a while and have been telling people about my progress over the last year as we tackled photo shoots, as the written work went through another round of edits…but this moment was such a huge milestone. Me, the one who loves paper books so much, the one that loves holding and touching books, magazines and reports in my hands instead of reading them on a screen….of course this was the moment.

I closed my eyes and hugged the package of pages, pressed them close to my heart, and told myself that this would happen, this was happening. This dream will come true.

It’s all in the Shoes

Months ago, from the comfort of my home, I saw an ad for BC Business’s Top 100 Networking luncheon.

It sounded like a great idea at the time; I was in a brave expansive mood. Get a single ticket and go on my own…to meet people!

The day drew near and my enthusiasm had flagged a bit…going to an event by yourself is hard. Will there be assigned seating? Will I have to find a place and ask people if I can join them? Hmmm….maybe I just wouldn’t go. No! I wanted to hear the speaker, the man who started the Cactus Club restaurants: Richard Jaffray. So I stuck to the plan.

A few blocks before the Fairmont Hotel Vancouver, walking and soaking up all the sights on the downtown streets, I spotted a fabulously dressed woman – wearing a bright red Chanel-style suit and gorgeous red high heeled shoes to match. Wow. She really stood out from the crowd.

A client of mine was calling, so I ducked into the quiet of a nearby building atrium to answer her questions…. 5-10 mins later, I carried on.

Now I saw the same woman in front of the Fairmont. Maybe she was also going to the luncheon…but waiting for someone? I said “you look absolutely fabulous!” as I passed. She gave me a big smile and answered “thank you so much!!” I waltzed into the hotel and up to the conference level.

I picked up my badge and looking around: how daunting….how would I connect with people? Most people were in groups or had a conversation buddy.

I found one guy who was standing alone: “Thought it was a good idea to come alone months ago…..” I remarked…and we started talking. Then another, then another. “Are you here alone?” I asked a young lady standing by one of the food tables. Yes! She smiled in relief. We started chatting and moved over to one of the stand-up tables to eat a bite or too. A few others joined us. I took to cruising the ballroom and stopping along the way when I felt I could touch down and introduce myself to yet another friendly person. One guy had great shoes….I commented….(Fluevogs’s no less)…He was an art director and is going to send me the name of someone who might help with editing my book.

An hour and a half later, I had talked to 20 wonderful people…everyone was very open to meeting, saying hi, reading name tags, it was very encouraging. A public speaking coach, an owner of an architectural millwork shop, accountants, a CEO of a credit union, an events co-ordinator, a project manager for industrial construction, IT advisors….

Then I caught a glimpse of the red suit, and shoes, again. I went up to her and introduced myself. She said “You made my day”. We talked. We both have 20 year old sons, who are travelling or about to travel, she’s a financial advisor that I may hire for some planning/advice. We will meet for coffee.

Veteran publisher Peter Legge interviewed Richard Jaffrey in a lovely, relaxed, casual and intimate style and the large audience sat so silently listening to his every word. His early days, his first restaurant, the hard times and the good times. It was a great story.

I left happy, excited, inspired, strong, positive, pleased, and satisfied. I had it in me all along.

Styling in an Instant

I’ve found a new art form. One that is immediate, easy, fun, and infinitely creative.

I worked in advertising prior to returning to school to study design. In design school I found our Theory Plate exercise (dubbed Pinky Plates for the U of M professor who initiated this process) such a fun exercise. It allowed me to use my nascent skills and understanding of the principles and elements of design and put them to work: organizing a layout, finding balance, playing with scale and colour, as well as shape/mass/form.

It’s been a while since then….I’ve spent 25 years as an interior designer by day and an artist by night. In the last ten years, single home ownership and motherhood has taken a lot of my free time – there hasn’t been much space to create art, in the form of painting, although I keep saying “I’ll start soon”.  I’ve realized though, that I have been “creating art” continuously, as I carve out a creative existence and live artfully every day.

I’m loving working on a book right now, which is the documentation of that creative experience, and I’ve chosen this as my priority to pursue right now. I’m really enjoying it. Along with that, and to support that, I’ve been blogging here on WordPress and posting on Instagram. Instagram has opened a door to a whole new world of visuals and inspiration. I’m following food bloggers, stylists, photographers, and foodies from all over the world.

When I first saw some of these stunning images, in particular a gorgeous aesthetic that’s coming out of Scandinavia right now, I thought: “OK! I GET this…I can do this….” It had never occurred to me to take, let alone stage, photos in such ways. Of course at first I thought I would mimic or replicate some of the styles I saw, but I quickly realized that I had my own style developing.

Now I go through my day and I find all kinds of opportunities to capture and document beauty and design. How to show a particular meal in a beautiful way, share a gorgeous view of something, a captivating leaf or flower. It’s made me up my game. And I’ve found that it is second nature, and it flows with ease.

I pull a piece of beautiful fabric for a complementary background, I wander into the garden for something to add that accentuates the visual. I look in the cupboard for a beautiful dish or plate. All this happens in five minutes or so.

I usually lay things out on the back porch, where natural light abounds, but is soft and gentle, without hard shadows. No additional light required, and usually no filters needed….

I find it’s like painting….instantly… I snap a shot or two with my phone. Then, if it’s a meal, I sit down to eat. Maybe it’s a visual blessing of sorts; creating some reverence for the bounty we usually consume in a less mindful state….As I try to eat healthier, slower, more mindfully, I find this practice enhancing that experience.

I dug up my original Pinky Plates, from my first year in design school, 1987. I still like them.

The Book Beckons

It is very heady and exciting working on my book. Nearly 100 first draft essays have almost all been given a once-over again. Along with my enthusiastic and talented photographer Kathy, shown above, we’ve completed 10 photo shoots over the last year. Now it’s time to put it all together.

I’m working on a physical print mockup. I can see it completed in my head (most of my projects come to me as a photo in my mind of some kind of finished/complete thing…). I think it’s best now to create a mock up and start getting some advice on fine tuning – and make it more “real”.

I’ve said for many years: “There’s a book inside me”. Still it feels surreal that I am actually working on completing one….am I ??? I hope so! I do want to give birth to it, to see it complete. That is the first step. Where it goes from there? We’ll see. I battle with the two opposing voices in my head: the one that says: “Really? What do you have to say???” and the other: “Your ideas are fantastic!!!” As a lifelong writer said: we must put forth and write what is true to us. We are unique and wonderful as we are. Speak from the heart, speak your truth and share it fully, with an open heart.

I love the many facets of my creative life, and how I can appreciate the art and beauty we see around us daily – the sacred in the everyday. How nature’s designs are so exquisite, how we can create art with our food, our clothing, our gardens, our words, our voices…How we can share the sublime appreciation of all this with friends, family, partners….

Last week we were busy shooting all kinds of fill-in bits, and the power went out! It was pretty dark in the house, so we moved out to the front porch. The southern (albeit cloudy) sky was more than adequate to shoot my cousin Susan’s gorgeous floral painted silk scarf. Kathy has taught me so much about photographing in natural light – something she does almost exclusively. Things do look particularly beautiful (and natural!) in natural light.

Stay tuned as we head into the homestretch. I can’t wait to have more to report.

Inspired

I’m having a blast. I’ve gotten organized on Instagram (the_art_part_of_my_heart) and I’m having so much fun, thanks to my friend Alison who showed me the ropes and explained how it works…. She just knew it would be a fabulous medium for me.

Wow! There’s a whole new world out there…I’m exploring food bloggers, stylists and photographers – the Instagrammers I’ve found, from all over the world, are spectacular! I’m in awe and so inspired.

Inspired to play with my blood oranges I was cutting up for a salad last weekend; they were so beautiful…so I grabbed a plate that matched and played with this composition.

I’m also inspired by my wonderful friend, Kathy, who’s doing the photography for my upcoming book. She’s showing me how lovely it is to shoot almost everything in natural light. I’m learning.

Inspired because it’s spring – and the beginning of my favorite six months. What bliss…I will savor each approaching week….and welcome the warmth that comes with the months ahead.

….and thanks Meryl for inspiring me to write this today!